CAGED: Peacock Family (The X Files, Home) vs Wrong Turn Trio

A remote town in bumfuck nowhere. Rumblings about a few bad eggs. Stern warnings from key people to stay away. A horribly disfigured discovery. Well, several. Welcome to inbred hell!

Today's cage match swimming pool has wayyyyyy too much chlorine. Here we have Three-Finger, Saw-Tooth, and One-Eye of Wrong Turn, vs The Peacock Family of the X-Files' banned from syndication episode "Home".

WHO ARE THESE CHARMING HILLBILLIES?

When some local kids in a small Pennsylvania town stumble upon a shallow grave containing a deformed newborn, it kicks off a criminal investigation in this crime-less town. 

The house next to the field featuring a creepy deformed family ominously staring at the crime scene should be a dead giveaway, but I digress.

Our family of Rob Schmidt's "Wrong Turn" are a little more over the top. Not wanting anyone to enter their mountainous corner of West Virginia, this trio of mutant freaks defend it viciously. When 2 cars crash on one of their back roads, this gives the imaginatively named Three Finger, Saw Tooth, and One Eye license to go hog wild with axes, bows, knives, and vivacious glee to secure their territory.

THE SETUP

The Wrong Turn trio are interesting. It's hard to tell exactly if they actually want intruders, or they just get them en masse. They certainly seem to take pleasure in hunting their would-be prey, and yet are horrified to find them in their holler. Maybe it's not worth discussing what came first, the deformed chicken or the green eggs.

Their assembly line of horrors is rather simple: hunt humans. Take them back to their decrepit shack for further torture. Relocate their vehicle to a hidden forest opening. Rinse. Repeat.

When a few harder to kill youths (Eliza Dushku, Emmanuelle Chiriqui, Jeremy Sisto, and Desmond Harrington) take the fight into the forest, tree climbing chaos ensues.

The Peacock's are a little more...let's say quiet than the WT trio, and their motives are much hornier. 

Edmund, George, and Sherman have had family roots going all the way back to the Civil War, and stories of inbreeding going back even farther. Their latest in baby murder is another in a long line of late-late-late term abortion, the mother of which is still kept inside the house. 

When the local sheriff, aided by the FBI out an official investigation, the boys brazenly go to the sheriff's house in the night and murder him and his wife. They return home and Kevin McAllister the house for the feds' return.

THE AFTERMATH

After taking beatings, shots, giant tree branches, burning, and God knows what else, the Wrong Turnies prove very hard to kill, but so do Eliza and Desmond, who flee on foot, having presumably killed the trio, and not waiting around to fill out a West Virginia police report. Upon discovering the burned cabin, first responders are quickly rerouted to the hereafter. The trio lives for at least a few more sequels. 

The raid on Peacock Manor goes about as expected. The late sherrifs deputy is killed via door booby trap, but the FBI manage to get in and 

shoot down 2 of the brothers, and the third gets darwined on his own booby trap.

Upon searching the house, a quadruple amputee is discovered, who turns out to be the elder Mrs. Peacock, who was presumed dead after a car accident. She reveals she can feel no pain, and basically has served as a sex doll for the boys over the years. Yeesh. 

So, what have we learned here? For starters, do not take side road short cut advice from sketchy gas station attendants. Definitely do not have intercourse on a vehicle in a strange place on the side of the road. Breaking and entering in a creepy residence in the middle of nowhere is always a bad move, even if you are desperate for a phone. Houses are avoided by children for a  reason. Arrest your mutant suspects right away! Don't give them a chance to arm up. 

Finally, inbreeding just doesn't work, so knock it off. Bloodline side effects include sores, missing limbs, additional limbs, uncontrollable hormones, strong desire for bloodletting, stunning agility in battle, proficiency in bows and arrows, and a really nasty attitude. Consult a physician if you think you or someone you care about has been exposed to inbreeding. The result could have you relocating to a side road heat hell shack to prey on innocent people.