REVIEW: Winchester

Anyone who knows me at all, knows I'm a total sucker for a good haunted house tale. 

The Winchester Mystery House is such an awe inspiring staple in supposed "true" haunted fare, so filming a decently budgeted spook show from within its walls should be a no brainer, right?

Unfortunately, the movie itself is a bit of a no brainer too.

The level of acting talent here is remarkable. I'm a big fan of Jason Clarke, and Helen Mirren is always great. Sarah Snook of "Succession" fame also puts in a quality performance.

So what went wrong? 

For one thing, it's not even remotely scary. The horrors of the real life story would give this film nightmares. The directors (Michael and Peter Spierig) have an eye for moody and paranoid angles, but resort to really cheap jump scare tactics, and very little goes bump in the night in a scary way.

Another big problem is that it was clearly mismarketed. Anyone who sees any kind of advertising for this is led to believe it's going to be a Conjuring-esque supernatural terror. Unfortunately, the Brothers Spierig opted for a more psychological approach to the story. 

I for one, am certainly not opposed to a nice demonic head screw, but it never seems to take the training wheels off and let rip. While Clarke and company put in as good of performance as possible, given the material, everything feels very First Draft.

If one was to draw a comparison, I was somewhat reminded of the torment of the characters in "It", wherein haunted characters are being forced to relive scarring moments from their life as part of the terror. This film does very much the same, though the trauma unearthed seems more of a plot device for the final act than anything else.

I truly don't understand why they didn't take advantage of their locale to just do a straight-up haunted house thrill ride. 

Many years ago, a mini series was made from Stephen King's "Rose Red", which borrowed heavily from The Winchester mythos. It's just a shame this film didn't borrow some scares from that one.

The curse of Winchester mansion is that one must never stop building. 

Building everything except suspense, terror, coherence, or a lasting effect on the viewer.

HORR SCORE: Nary a scare to be found. The occasional half-assed jump scare.

GORE SCORE: