REVIEW: The Strangers: Chapter 1

Viewer beware, "Chapter 1" isn't meant as an cheeky origin story title, but rather an incomplete movie. Oh, what arrogance to remake a film badly, and to end it on a To Be Continued. Such is the case with the painfully bad The Strangers: Chapter 1.

Not since Gus Van Sant's abominable shot-for-shot remake of Psycho, has a remake tarnished the legacy of its original, to the point of disgust. It's like everyone put their feet up, and said to themselves "let's just do the same thing as the original, only with less logic, scares, and fame of the leads."

I honestly feel bad for the actors in this. I'm unsure if they suck, or if they were really betrayed by the abysmal writing. 

Madelaine Petsch shows some flashes of subtlety as Maya, however brief those flashes may be. Froy Gutierrez delivers such an uneven performance as Maya's beau Ryan, it's maddening. 

The plot is virtually identical to the original, though the setting is a bit more remote. Setpieces are mostly the same, and the ending (minus a 30 second hospital addendum) is even the same. The trailer included the cock-up delivery of the classic "because you were home" line, which was so butchered, it really was the true victim of this film. Why even do that? What hackey writer decided to remake a totally classic scene badly? Good christ. 

The biggest atrocity of this film is that it's just not scary. The danger scenes are so easily escapeable, and yet Maya and Ryan blunder their way around them. Example: with an axe wielding killer smashing his way through every closed door, the couple have found themselves free of the house and outside. Their escape vehicle has been burned. They inexplicably run back into the house and lock themselves into the bathroom. Why not make a run for it? 

Anyone who has seen the original, knows of the infamous "wrong guy" murder scene with the shotgun. This scene duplicates that too, and yet later when Ryan has a shotgun pointed at the head of one of the killers, he refuses to shoot for reasons that boggles the mind. The scene drags out for a full minute. Whoever wrote this shit (not even looking it up) should be barred from future horror scripts.

The killers themselves come off more as voyeurs than killers. There are several scenes of the leads in extremely vulnerable scenarios, with a killer in the house RIGHT BEHIND THEM, and they inexplicably go back outside. None of this makes any sense.

The director of this abortion, Renny Harlin, is actually a director I respect. I have soft spots for his films Deep Blue Sea, Cliffhanger, and The Long Kiss Goodnight. Why he agreed to do this film (and it's 2 sequels filmed at the same time) is beyond my comprehension. 

Rules #1, 2, and 3 of horror should be "make it scary", or at least "make it fun". This film is neither. It was clearly made with dollar signs in mind, and we are seeing the catastrophicresults.